These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 NKJV
The choices one can make to either grow from pain or remain stuck in it can define the trajectory of your future; To remember or remain, that is the question.
Tapping into the little Shakespeare knowledge I have of Hamlet’s soliloquy and most quoted line, “to be or not to be, that is the question.” If you know, you know. Life happens. Can I get an AMEN? We all have experienced life’s curveballs in some way, shape, or form. But as Shakespeare put it, “Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer…or take arms against a sea of troubles”? Wow, think about what that is saying for a second. I can make a resolve in my mind to remain in the pain and say, I deserve to stay there (nobler in the mind) or I can fight this and bare up with tools to combat it (take arms against a sea of trouble). What are we gaining by remaining in the pain? Are we looking for the pats of comfort from others? That very well may be true. Especially as someone whose love language is words of affirmation but take heed, it’s a dangerous path to take. Let me explain.
Remaining in the pain can eventually lead to bitterness and offense. As you see the affirmations start to become fewer and far between, you’ll start forming resentment towards those who were once there to give the affirming words of comfort. Telling yourself things like, “can they not see that I’m still hurting? I am not better, where are my words to pep me up for the day, week, month” and then getting mad at them because you formed a false expectation of them. Your loved ones know you’re hurting, they were hurting too at some point. You get what I’m trying to say here, right? Just like flowing waters getting dammed up in a cove, waters become stagnant and begin to stink. That essentially is what takes place in your life. Your refusal to move forward with the currents of life has made you stuck in the cove of pain where your existence becomes stinky. Why can’t we be of good cheer instead, knowing that God has overcome the world and we are free to move about in the current of life? In John 10:10, Jesus said, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." See. He said abundantly, not stuck, not remaining in the pain.
The one thing that I can tell you from personal experience is that you’re not alone. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. But I hated being there too!
I recently celebrated 13 years of marriage with my husband. We are in such a good strong foundational place right now that I’m truly excited for the first time throughout our entire marriage! Let me explain. We did not start off well. We did not have the fairytale experience. Within the first 2 years of marriage, we found ourselves sitting in a church office, in counseling. We were on the edge. And though we made it through that rough patch, things were not ideal. We didn’t communicate well, and we were expert tennis players. LOL! Not really. But what I mean by that is he would serve something hateful, and I would serve it right back. Not good. Both of us could’ve remained stuck in that same cycle of behaviors and rehashing past hurts, but we knew that wasn’t going to allow our marriage to thrive and go forward.
So, we armed ourselves with resources and signed up for a marriage class called ReNew. Here is where everything changed for us. This was a process that wasn’t easy, but we made the choice to get unstuck. To traverse through the muck that had formed throughout the years and shake free. Allowing a fresh anointing to wash us from the stench of pain. We now remember the past hurts in a different light. We are now grateful for the healing that God has provided. Our current relationship is a living testament, and the fruit of us loving each other with Christ over our marriage, gives evidence of overcoming the pain.
Stay encouraged my friends. Whatever the circumstance, if you are in the place of “remaining,” you are just a choice away from being healed and “remembering.”