Being on the receiving end of words that have struck hard, makes the old rhyme, “Stick and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Never Hurt Me,” the biggest lie we have ever believed or pushed into believing. Words can hurt! They have the power to build someone up or tear someone down. They become the soundtrack that plays on repeat in your mind to keep you inspired, motivated, united, divided or keep you in a defeated state. That’s power! Power that can be used for good or evil. Which do you choose to use?
Being transparent here, I grew up in a toxic environment where words were used to break down your will. Abuse was on many different levels. I witnessed my mother year after year being left hopeless and convinced that that was her lot in life and to accept it. When others would attempt to help her out of the situation, myself included, she would go back to the familiar, the abuse. As a child, I knew we were created for more than what I was witnessing. Having not grown up in the church and not knowing the Lord, I still knew that there was more to life. I knew I would be intentional in how I wanted better for my household and to not repeat those old mindsets and strongholds. As a mother today, I teach my children this principle, repeatedly, on how there is power of life and death in the tongue. It also serves as a constant reminder for me.
Do I get it right all the time? Absolutely not. That’s why I need the reminders. I know I’m totally guilty of saying some hurtful things and it’s hard to take those things back. Reality is that you can’t. You have to prove witness to a true change in your character to rebuild the trust with the person you hurt. But today I want to focus on what to do when you are on the receiving end of those words. Here are three things that I pray help you process.
1. Stay Unoffended
Hear me when I say this, you are not in control of what other people say or do. The only thing that you can control is how you choose to respond and or react. THIS, for me has been one of the hardest things I try to walk out. So, yeah, I feel you when you say, this is hard. But I want to tell you that it does get easier. As I continue to pursue after God, He gives me the strength to not stay in a place of offense. When I feel that heart ping or cringe in my spirit when words are slung my way, I now pray. I ask God to reveal to me what made me feel that way and to help me pray for the individual that is choosing to speak in that manner. It’s kind of hard to stay mad at a person that you are praying for. OOF! I know! My red lettered bible tells me in Matthew 5:43-48:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
OUCH! You can’t argue with what Jesus is saying there. Love and pray.
2. Know Who You Are, And Whose You Are
Do you know how you are valued in Gods eyes? If not, then you leave yourself open to offense. Your joy comes from Him. And though you are responsible for your happiness, your happiness comes from emotion and your joy comes from being, Christ within you. People will try and use your faith against you just as Satan did when he was using the word against Jesus in the wilderness. And just like Jesus, knowing who He was and whose He was, you have to protect yourself too. Don’t relinquish the power you have to secure yourself in the shelter of the Most High. Declare the Word over yourself. Make it personal. State your name in the verses.
Nehemiah 8:10 “[I will] not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is [my] strength.”
Psalms 91:1 “ [I will] dwell in the shelter of the Most High [and I] will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.”
3. Don’t Relinquish Power
Don’t give that much power over to the people who are being hateful. Those individuals only speak from a place of hurt. The fact of the matter is that hurt people, hurt people. This doesn’t excuse the behaviors but there is a new perspective revealed when you see it that way. Remembering my first point to stay unoffended and praying for them because God is for you and with you.
Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
Let me be clear, this is not a get-out of jail free pass for those individuals to walk all over you. You have to use wisdom in the situation. This past year, I had to create separation from individuals who were intentionally seeking to verbally attack me, and I drew the line and disconnected myself from receiving that kind of exposure. Because there is power in words, you must guard your being, including eyes, ears and mind also. If you already know the way a person may be, it’s okay to walk away from that toxicity prayerfully.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Ultimately, humility is the stance of hearing the person out and admitting that you may be wrong in how something was perceived of you. Remembering what all was said in the points given, self-reflect on what part you may have played in the outbursts received. Is it possible that you may have said or done something to have made them react? If we are abiding in the vine and being witness to the fruit of the spirit in our own lives, there is a narrow window for error in the eyes of others. Again, playing in on the second point of knowing who you are and are not.
Colossians 3:12 Therefore as Gods chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Your humble boldness, declares if God is for you, who can be against you? Be the change in your surroundings. Choose to speak life into others, pray for those who are persecuting you, love your enemies. Create an environment of kindness, compassion, humility, gentleness and patience and see the walls break down. Take back what the enemy stole from you! You have the power!
Speaking truth in love with you.
Your little pearl - Perlita